a delightful little rant about our shallow youth culture

I hate people... I really fucking do. Well not ALL people, some of them are amazing and awesome (take Maria for example she fucking kicks ass, and Bri, Alicia, and maybe a few others). But most of them are sneaky, secretive, two-faced, and fucking fake as all hell. It disgusts me. Its why i hate the mall so fucking much. Its not about friendship or anything its all about being 'scene' or 'ghetto' or 'punk' or what the fuck ever. the only thing anyone gives a fuck about is yr hair or how many fucking piercings you have or how tight yr jeans are or what the fuck ever and not what yr really like as a person. it sickens me to no end that i once actually bought into that whole scene. just one look at the place and you can see how superficial everything is people walk around their little cliques all looking the fucking same. Isnt it amazing how a group that claims to be based upon originality all look exactly the same and treat whoever acts differently or stands out in any way like shit... so in short, i fucking hate mall rats.

Small Black Flowers That Grow In The Sky

Im bored and depressed once again... I never do anything anymore, I havent in weeks, i wanna see my friends but im not even sure who they are anymore i mean if I have friends I should actually see them. No one ever even picks up their phone for me or calls me back. I'm the only one whos not gonna get to see their gf today and that makes me feel even worse. I dont even know why, i wish she would just call or something... anyways bitching over. no one gives a shit

fave songs a-z

A - At The Bottom of Everything by Bright Eyes
B - Babies by Pulp
C - Country Rain by Slowdive
D - Darklands by The Jesus and Mary Chain
E - The Everlasting by Manic Street Preachers
F - For a Pessimist, Im Pretty Optimistic by Paramore
G - Glory of the 80's by Tori Amos
H - Harborcoat by R.E.M.
I - I Wanna Be Adored by The Stone Roses
J - Just Cant Get Enough by Depeche Mode
K - Kings Crossing by Elliott Smith
L - Lightning Crashes by Live
M - My Iron Lung by Radiohead
N - November by Azure Ray
O - On the Radio by Regina Spektor
P - Pictures of You by The Cure
Q - Queer by Garbage
R - Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits
S - Something Vauge by Bright Eyes
T - This Is The One by The Stone Roses
U - Unholy Confessions by Avenged Sevenfold
V - Vow by Garbage
W - When You Sleep by My Bloody Valentine
X - X Offender by Blondie
Y - Y Control by Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Z - Zero by Smashing Pumpkins
# - 1000 Oceans by Tori Amos

senseless

nothing ever stops me from being real
always breaking promises, making deals
im a slut for all the lies
you cant trust me to run and hide

i can only break up perfect moments
fucking up the things you fought for
always, denying yr assumptions
to substitute morality

i cant save you how can i save myself
i wont save you cuz it wont bother me

what hates itself cant be a hypocrite
why love the world when theres no joy to it

homecoming

homecoming was tonight... it was pretty bittersweet (which is one of my favourite words btw) i mean bri couldnt go so i was really sad. especially during the first slow dance when i just watch everyone else and i just sat out in the corner, but alicia danced with me during the second one... it was When Youre Gone by Avril and it was kinda appropriate. and Alicia apologized for overreacting on me and hurting me before, so im glad. i love her haha shes my bestie. i do really wish bri couldve come tho... =/

ive been thinking

about alot of stuff lately. like stuff thats in the past and i really wish i would just put behind me. but i cant for some reason, i mean its not good memories at all, i have no reason why i would want to remember it. i need to learn to enjoy the present and not look back at all the mistakes ive made and the time ive wasted. like next week is gonna be me and bri's one month. already, that fast, and its the longest relationship ive ever been in. its the best too. im not gonna jinx myself and say its perfect tho, becuz knowing me itll prolly fuck up somehow if i say that so i wont. but it really is greattt. i made her a mix cd today and she gave me the movie Jennifer, which ill prolly watch later tonight. apparently a cat gets eaten and ashley can do a mean impresson of it haha

i dont hate my life

long time since i actually wrote a blog. I honestly cant say why, alot of stuff has happened, i mean horrible drama, and amazing new friends, and amazing new girlfriend, and the old friends still pull through. I guess you could say ive found a good sense of balance in my life. I never thought that school would actually help me straighten out my life but im no longer the super-depressed mental wreck i was at the end of the summer. The daily drawl is made so much easier when i have awesome ppl i get to see all day especially Bri and Alicia, without them i prolly wouldnt even get out of bed. I even found a new group of friends to hang with which i guess is pretty awesome. I still need to write an ecosystems essay hahaha that is like something that ill always talk about finishing but never get done only i will get it done!!! and when i do i will rejoice in my completion!

end of summer 07 rant

Well this is it. The end of another chapter in my life. Summer 07 has slipped away and tomorrow I start my senior year of high school, The past three school years have been an exercise in depression, alienation, and obsession, but its looking up. Everything about me has changed, im not the same person i was 3 years ago, or 1 year ago, or fuck. even 3 months ago...

Summer 07 was a bittersweet experience for me, For a few moments i thought i had found the relationship i had been seaching for but it wasnt, and i made an idiot of myself with it. That wont happen again.

Then there was Jess... The person i spoke to everyday but never really saw, untill this summer. I finally met her and well, i found out how much we really have in common and how much were different...

Through it all I have a new outlook on my life, Im no longer as shy as i once was. Im working on my self esteem too, i cant put myself down anymore, becuz then no one will want to be around me. At least if i pretend to accept myself then ppl might really start to accept me too. idfk, its bullshit, i hate ppl, i hate fucking hate my school and never want to go back =/

yes i am

yeah im awesome and ppl just dont realize it yet. and they can fall in a bottomless pit and die of starvation. im just a hugely underrated person, if more ppl knew me i would have more ppl who liked me, or at least have a dedicated hate-base

good enough?

I have this thing where i feel like no one even cares if im writing this, so which is why i havent written one in forever. Lately ive been feeling like im not good enough for anyone no matter what i do. People either have this fucking superiority complex that makes them think theyre better than me or they focus on one minor imperfection and therefore see you as a lesser person. I dont think im a bad looking guy, i think i have a good personality, and i think i can be fun to talk to. No one ever thinks that, they hear that i have a strange voice and immideately focus only on the voice and not what the voice is saying. Or they dont even bother to get to know me and just call me annoying.
What im saying is that ppl are way to quick to judge others and becuz of that i dont think ill ever be good enough to be liked/loved...

love withdrawls

Im currently going through love withdrawls. Its when you just dumped someone and yr not necisarily missing them but you do miss having a person you can love and trust and just be happy with. Its a sorta bittersweet lonliness where yr happy you lost the old gf/bf but yr sad yr not in love anymore. so yeah basically im saying i need a new girl.

i cant just settle for anyone tho, i have standards and i gotta follow them alll this time, no more settling. All i want is a nice girl whos somewhat pretty, doesnt do drugs, doesnt start drama, and isnt a lying hoebag. just tell me the truth for chrissakes

another freaky ass dream

yeah last night i had another weird ass dream, like me and kirsten were sent to this giant tower thing for crazy ppl. only the whole dream was in the form of a gameboy color game. seriously it looked like the overworld from pokemon or something. anyways somehow we got seperated and i had to rescue her from one of the 42 floors. eventually i did and they let us go. it was quite an experience lmfao

i have no friends...

well not really but it seems that way, i only have like 3 or 4 ppl who talk to me online anymore, its kinda depressing, well not really but eh...

fucked up... big time...

I feel like I'm starting to fuck up everything that was good in my life.
I have no idea what to do
I want to let ppl get closer to me I really do
But I only end up pushing them away
Im losing friends, ppl who used to talk to me all the time dont bother with me anymore
Even the things that mean the most to me seem to be fading now
Ill prolly end up alone and depressed again
Only without anyone to help me this time
Im sorry, All I can do is bring ppl down

love makes you do crazy things...

even things you promised yrself you wouldnt do...

some things are just more important, sometimes you just have to be there for someone.

I Fucking Miss Jess Jones/I Fucking Love Kirsten Lebel(part 2)

Well Jess left today and i already miss her, she needs to get her ass back here, everyone loves her here and we all cant wait for her to get back <3

I got to spend the whole day with Kirsten tho, shes seriously the most incredible girl ive ever known, i cant even describe how much i love her, i mean its only been a week and i already feel so much for her... idk... <33333333333

Jess comes to RI: Day 1

Yup my NJ love Jessica Jones flew into RI for five days, and i spent the whole day hanging out. Its such an odd feeling to finally meet a long distance friend for the first time. I mean i look up and shes there, the same girl from myspace, with the same voice ive heard on the phone. Even though we had never seen eachother before we already knew so much about eachother. Its really hard to believe. And it wasnt that akward at all, we just acted like friends the whole time, becuz we were... She was afraid i wasnt gonna like her but quite honestly after spending the whole day with her, i can quite honestly say shes one of the coolest ppl ive ever met in my life.

PICTURES:

Jess greets me at the airport:

In The Car:


Burger Queen Nigguh:


Were so cool:


Its EXACTLY what you think... rofl


Cute Kids




Emos:

ily kirsten

seriously i do, this girl is absolutely amazing
i seriously never thought i would meet someone like her
she makes me smile just by talking
she makes me happy just by thinking about her
shes absolutely beautiful
she has the most amazing personality
no matter what anyone else says it wont change my mind
becuz this is how i feel
and I'm not afraid to say it anymore
because now im sure
kirsten,
I LOVE YOU!
<3

It's All Good

yeah everythings fine now, i was just paranoid and emo yesterday.

In other news ive been sitting in this exact same spot playing Super Mario World since about 10AM...

I cant believe im finally gonna meet Jess, I mean weve talked about it for so long it just seemed like it would never really happen...

Today I learned...

I already that the world was against me, but i thought that i could somehow rise above and beat it. Today I learned that I had no fucking clue what i was dealing with, the world is not only totally against me but its willing to use everything in its power to keep me down. like forces that i cant even begin to understand...
For once i thought it would be ok to fall in love with someone without it having to all come crashing down... Now I have no idea whats going to happen to my girlfriend anymore and I cant even see her.
Oh well i know this sounds kinda emoish paranoia conspiricy shit but i fucking felt like writing it.

Oh yeah these guys, the ones i know i can trust, my friends, I love you all:
Kirsten
Alicia
Jess
LaMarra
Jasmin